please note "brighter days" in the subject or body of your donation.
DARKEST NIGHTS
This self-confidence is slowly depleting
such as the sun when it falls in the evening
trying hard to keep a hold to what it can.
Sinking slowly and emotions are fading
being stripped of the most pleasant of feeling
knowing all will disappear on the horizon.
Some nights will sparkle bright
with such gleaming heavenly bodies
while the others display a vacant sky.
And on these darkest nights
You will find me, an equal with the sun
disappointed everytime I start the day
as all the other stars have run for their escape.
YOUNG HEART
Biting nails till tasting blood, it never ends
repeats after they mend
anxious of the unknowing.
Conversations start out civil then wavering
A swift change considering
the things you're not quite sure of.
Young heart slow down, emotions falter at the pace you move, your values never stand a chance where they came from.
Young heart hold out, give yourself the time to figure out what you want and settle down to a place you'll call home
Attempting to understand the position
of your disposition
emotion: disconcerting.
Traveling through states in search for solace
yet all I'm finding is the things you're not quite sure of.
Young heart step back, think of something that is sound and sure, the measure of your words could then weigh so much more.
Young heart hold out, give yourself the time to figure out what you want and settle down to a place you'll call home.
I'm done assembling homes with broken fingers
So can you please just stay here always?
MISSES
3 hours behind:
so many states between
where your last remarks
and my lucidity
cannot be found
3 hours ahead:
unsure of what you need
unclear of what you want
left wondering if we
will drag this out
Suspended by these broken tethers, tied to thoughts of you forever
Heres to hopes you won't let go, and pull me back to safety.
I'll stick around though if you want me to, but while I was waiting for you, I wondered who would be the one waiting for me?
This guilty feeling when I'm not with you, makes me miss you so much more, reminding me of all the times when I'd say:
I'm missing all your kisses and called to let you know I'm on my way home
2 hours behind:
approaching rapidly
into a state of
the possibility
to keep me around
1 hour ahead:
I hope you're just as nervous when you see me
and shift the knots from stomachs to the frayed ends of this rope that's swinging my heart around
The tension of this tether can't last much longer with wait upon it
So heres to hopes you won't let go, and pull me back to safety
I'll stick around though if you want me to, but my emotions get the best of me and I can't wait until I make it home
I'm calling out to try to talk to you, but I'm so used to routine that when you answered I said nothing new:
I'm missing all your kisses and called to let you know I'm on my way home
I'm missing all your kisses, even when you said I'd die alone.
FACADES
Shyly sitting in the corner of a dim lit room avoiding all your friends
just existing for the liquor to hit you fast enough for living to begin
Because your boring when sober
they engage you
in conversations just to feel like your wanted
but you think that they'll laugh at what you say.
You feel no one loves you,
fair-weathered
facades that come and go and your undercover with a smile
distracting them from pain you feel inside.
So you'll play along
showing you're normal so that you'll belong
with your paranoia stored away
beside the others with crushing weight.
Bottles on shelves served
as reminders
for someone who could help you
but you stay idle
and fearful
to admit that something's wrong.
And all of your lost loves, unfaithful
the ones you exalted
produces a pattern,
a theory that proves to you it's always been your fault.
Could you be wrong?
Are these just happenstances that you incur?
Or are the reasons for loneliness
stored up in vessles upon a shelf?
All these smiles you show
radiantly from the glow
from the bottles you shine during nighttime
to keep the appearance alive
that we are one and the same.
Please prove me wrong
the weight on these shelves won't last for long
They've been splintered for years and should be restored
I don't feel like doing much anymore
I don't feel like doing much
I don't feel, I just don't
I'm just.....
Shyly sitting in the corner of a dim lit room avoiding all my friends
just existing for the liquor to hit me fast enough for living to begin
Because drowning the sorrow is better than boredom with friends.
THE GOOD DEATH
Pumping hard and heavy inside this chest
is the heart that never wins while at its best
when every little move you make looks easy.
The attraction in carefree confidence
admiring the ways of your brilliance
always falling second to those around me.
Feeling trampled in the shadow of your self-esteem
showing off your superiority
belittling my worth as I fight for safety.
Am I not worth saving?
I'll keep trying through these tears (you better try, boy)
Waitng for first place to appear (you better try, boy)
This weakened body keeps guiding my heart where it should run.
Hidden within corners inside this head
are the phrases of a feeling that were left unsaid
but piecing them together has never been easy.
Always falling short when I get real close
opting into silence as your words flow
captivating statements that came so freely.
Perhaps I gave myself the proper length of rope
preventing any speech while around my throat
belittling my worth as I fight for safety.
Am I not worth saving?
I'll keep trying through these tears (you better try, boy)
Waitng for first place to appear (you better try, boy)
This weakened body keeps guiding my head where it should run.
Run! This fragile frame that I've become,
deteriorative from defeat of chasing any dream
you obtained to get the best of me,
has always been encompassing
a heart so strong and tells me I should...
Run! Beating faster to prolong
what little durability is left of this body
exposing every weakening
thought that dashes rapidly
apart from one that forces me to....
Run! without realilizing once
that the finish line is where I'll end my suffering
destroying all of my body
stealing away victory
from your fucking hands. Until then...... Run!
REGRETFUL ME
The hurtful words deserved from your mouth
and the sound of your quick private tears against your coat
as we sat still, they silently left salty trails behind
every so often driving, keep me awake at night:
The pain in your voice that's shaking.
Your trust I had suddenly betrayed.
The time that you felt was wasted.
Unsure of emotions you forced youself to embrace.
I'm sorry. I'm to blame.
The distance grows between us now.
A happy life that you have found
without me to burden you any longer, you moved on,
Leaving behind every feeling for me you felt was wrong.
The gifts you returned unneeded.
The hatred related to this place.
The time that you felt was wasted.
Unsure of emotions you forced youself to embrace.
I'm sorry. I'm to blame.
This overwhelming concern of mine
I wish I could say something, that I could make this right
As all the love that I have for you stayed the same
I've always hated myself for making you feel this way:
The pain in your voice that's shaking.
The hatred related to this place.
The time that you felt was wasted.
Belated apologies won't fix any mistakes!
But I'm sorry anyway.
CLUTTERED HALLWAYS
Packing up and leaving, goodbye broken home,
I wish that someday, someone treats you kinder
other than the occupants that flourished here,
their callousness will cause you to wither.
All lights with dust upon them!
The doors with screens housing these holes that lets all these insects in!
All rooms are used for storage!
The hallways filled with clutter without a gracious way out!
Oh! what sad abuse you had been dealt over the years.
All I've done to help means nothing forced my decision out of here
Headed west in hopes of finding a new home,
away from people with dismissive tempers.
All the want ads looking for new residents
offer places that seem so much better.
The walls all freshly painted!
The carpets all have been restored from previous ownership!
Machines with stainless finish!
The tiles on the bathroom floor with no mold on the grout!
Lights that shine so bright!
When someone gets to clean yours, I hope it doesn't shine on such a mess.
Doors with screens pulled tight!
A summer breeze flows through here welcoming a different nature.
Rooms you can't provide!
The claustrophobic control within your walls can no longer hold me in!
Hallways open wide!
A open path to freedom,
a fight through yours to get out will let no one ever get back in now!
RELAX
Waiting awkwardly as minutes pass my thoughts all start to spin
"what would I say? would it be new to you?"
in front of buildings on a street where I have never been before
observing people as I wait for you.
(Stay calm, Your nerves can't break just yet.)
Fashion compliments to greet you with whenever you arrive
"you look nice" is what I settled on.
A fancy resturant and the way you carry yourself says
"A cold cheap beer won't do this time", I'll need some wine,
a match that is elegant as you are divine.
and a hope to make it through this night.
Bravely navigating through discourse, struggling to stay afloat
attempting cover ups with graceless smiles.
Ever so softly, I catch you whispering the word relax
unsure if it was meant for you or I.
"A cold cheap beer won't do this time", We'll need more wine,
and nerves to tell each other that we're doing fine,
That we both can make it through this night.
By our second bottle,
you mention that the whisper to yourself
was you winning a battle, where losing meant you'd leave
you persevered, you saw that fight in me.
Asssured me that,
"Some cold cheap beers will do just fine, fuck all this wine!"
A single thought not spinning to end the night......
I think you and I will be alright!
BLACK HOLE
Your eyes that shine like butterflies with skies wide open as the neon light above you starts to blink those blues and greens are calling me so silently you see. The light paved road that leads me straight to you flickers with a warning most will ignore.
The bottle never shows the truth.
Of the intentions that you hide behind a slyly smile deciphering mine as I close to you. Unsure of outcomes from actions I'd never make while clean, brave enough to cordially introduce myself without the thought of denial, without a thought to get your name.
With some cash that I could spare,
please join me for a drink or two, build a way for us to drink wherever, whenever my friend
Your touch is all it takes to break me down in pieces and you do it frequently because you know I can’t remember how it felt to feel like this, syncing with someone honest and true. The dawn will come to force our exit. The sun will never be enough.
With our exchange, i could swear the stars aligned for both of us so perfectly then collided together, however, my dear
I've got time that I'd like to share. Hopefully you do too, maybe we can murder it together, forever my love.
BRIGHTER DAYS
The only thing about feeling low is knowing that you need to get back up and get your shit straight because feeling sad should be left for the ones who face the toughest obstacles, yet refuse to learn to overcome.
Even though the bleakest moments in your life might seem the darkest, there is a light I promise that shines closer than you will ever give yourself enough credit to notice its origin, just open your eyes and see
That all good and bad things end, it forces you
to take with you what you can, and start anew
and say goodbye to all the intents that you once had planned
Look forward to brighter days.
Take the time to realize some things in life will make you stronger remove all things that harm you so the healing processes correctly then try to help out people that you love, and help the ones you don't.
Don't give up just yet because you'll never know what the future brings you and living in the past will get you nowhere so force yourself to forget all of the really bad moments, go create good ones.
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